Convergence

So the last couple of weeks, I've been putting off being blue. I've been really busy with travels, and then coming back to complete summer school, and start off the semester at work (my graduate program is on the trimester system). It is amazing how busyness can distract from finding time and space for true contemplation.

So in the back of my head for a while is the idea that I need to do more with my life. It seems like volunteering is only giving of myself so much. Of course to truly give, to truly do more, I have to be willing to risk. I know part of the risk that scares me the most is the fear of being hurt. Oh, I'm okay with that I'll be hurt -- that is inevitable whenever you give of yourself fully. But I am afraid of learning what my breaking point on that pain is. I have enough baggage -- Catholic guilt tendencies, total defensiveness, a protective loyalty -- all of which create their own barriers even as they buoy me through tough times. Lord knows that the friends and family He has provided me as my support circle provide the foundations to that strength, and the grace that I all to infrequently recognize and embrace.

So convergence has bitten me, and bitten me hard this evening. As I had someone else from undergrad friend me on Facebook, I wonder if I'm just as shallow as the last time he saw me more than a dozen years ago. I wonder at what point I'm a lost cause. I think this just means that I need to embrace some uncertainty, this level of discomfort with being blue and feeling lost, and hold onto the faith that I have that an answer will come. It will not likely come all at once, and certainly not neatly packaged, but it is out there. God grant me the patience, strength, and grace to recognize it, and the wisdom to know that I can handle it, no matter the price or heartbreak.

Spring cleaning . . . all of it. . . .

So I'm theoretically on a staycation yet I have committed myself to reading through my Google Reader (a full six weeks behind), updating my resume, looking for a teaching gig for the fall, meet with my retirement advisor, get my peepers checked out, set up a NALP conference call, and organizing my apartment. Oh, yeah, and I started a new part-time job this morning too. So not surprising, one of my favorite bloggers/LinkedIn experts, Lindsey Pollak, provided me the kick-in-the-pants that I needed through one of her blog postings. It was only the third thing I had read in my Google Reader! After a six week hiatus in the middle of my staycation!

What this comes down to is that I'm sometimes as bad as the overbusy students of whom she speaks. So it comes time to take stock, determine what I need/want, and how I'm going to get there. And that my friends, is why I love career advising folks. We're practical, yet hopeful and wishful, charting paths new and old. So thanks Lindsey, I needed that kick-in-the-pants.

A management book for the rest of us. . .

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Great book on team dynamics and the fable's structure and characters enable both green and mature readers to find lessons that can be applied to to various team situations, regardless of setting.

View all my reviews >>