Convergence

So the last couple of weeks, I've been putting off being blue. I've been really busy with travels, and then coming back to complete summer school, and start off the semester at work (my graduate program is on the trimester system). It is amazing how busyness can distract from finding time and space for true contemplation.

So in the back of my head for a while is the idea that I need to do more with my life. It seems like volunteering is only giving of myself so much. Of course to truly give, to truly do more, I have to be willing to risk. I know part of the risk that scares me the most is the fear of being hurt. Oh, I'm okay with that I'll be hurt -- that is inevitable whenever you give of yourself fully. But I am afraid of learning what my breaking point on that pain is. I have enough baggage -- Catholic guilt tendencies, total defensiveness, a protective loyalty -- all of which create their own barriers even as they buoy me through tough times. Lord knows that the friends and family He has provided me as my support circle provide the foundations to that strength, and the grace that I all to infrequently recognize and embrace.

So convergence has bitten me, and bitten me hard this evening. As I had someone else from undergrad friend me on Facebook, I wonder if I'm just as shallow as the last time he saw me more than a dozen years ago. I wonder at what point I'm a lost cause. I think this just means that I need to embrace some uncertainty, this level of discomfort with being blue and feeling lost, and hold onto the faith that I have that an answer will come. It will not likely come all at once, and certainly not neatly packaged, but it is out there. God grant me the patience, strength, and grace to recognize it, and the wisdom to know that I can handle it, no matter the price or heartbreak.

Out & About Town: North Lawndale

I've purchased and purused various touristy types of books about Chicago that emphasize walking our neighborhoods to actually understand and appreciate them. I took that opportunity tonight when I visited North Lawndale as part of my Junior League of Chicago placement in Project CON:CERN. Our project involves assisting a community organization with developing a volunteer management plan, focusing on recruiting, training, retention, and appreciation efforts.

At about 5:20, I boarded a Forest Park bound CTA Blue Line train at the Jackson stop, heading to the Pulaski station. I narrowly missed the #53 Southbound bus, so I began to walk in the waning daylight toward my destination. I walked past a high school, a large handful of empty lots, some buildings that look like they should be condemned, a funeral home, a few convenience stores, and a few hair salons, including one that looked like it had recently been redone. I was extremely aware of my surroundings, recognizing that crimes can happen anywhere in this city, as highlighted by the latest rash of robbery and assault cases in Lincoln Park. What I did see was extreme poverty, with too many people lacking a proper winter coat (hopefully they were simply underestimating the continuing downspiral in our temperatures) as well as commercial activity. I think that there may have been a grocery store on one of the cross streets with Pulaski, but I'd bet this neighborhood is considered to be a food desert. Our agency contact admitted there are racial issues in the high schools between the Latino and African-American populations, tensions that are rising as the number of Latinos rises in South Lawndale, which the white residents created as a concerted effort about forty years ago to be referred to as Little Village.

So many thoughts swirled as I walked and on my way back into the Loop. First, I thought about St Vincent DePaul's insistence that we not only serve the poor, but also know the poor. I am so blessed to have undertaken this degree program at DePaul -- it is truly challenge to serve at a greater capacity, with a deeper sense of humanity and dignity, and a new development of self. Second, I considered the topics we discussed last week in Ethical Leadership -- how do we address racial issues unless we are willing to name them? Is the state of racial politics actually better or is it just more insiduous? And have we given up on the duty to create equality, instead blaming groups for not moving quickly enough, despite the lack of resources? Unfortunately, my walk did not provide me with any great deep insights, but it did provide me with a wider understanding of my home. Oh, Chicago, how I adore thee!

Positive Addictions

My job isn't always fun and this rough economy isn't making it any easier. This blog post made me think about the things I wouldn't want to give up -- my faith, my loving family, my supportive friends, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, apples, and my cell phone. But are any of those positive addictions? Beyond the first two, no. So my new goal: become addicted to working out again. Or as I read in SELF magazine once, though you may not LOVE working out, LOVE the way it makes you feel.

Lessons from Obama's Speech at ND

So lots of blogging is going on reflecting on Obama's speech at Notre Dame. The biggest one I take from it is this: we are a diverse Church, and this provided us an opportunity to show that diversity, and our ability to be not only civil with each other but admit that we are members of a community larger than ourselves. This was confirmed by a friend who remarked that he had never realized how conservative or liberal some Catholics could be. I should invite him to my brother's wedding -- meet my family, and you'll see that diversity pretty well amongst all sides.

Here are some other interesting takes from the blogosphere and internet articles:

• Eboo Patel's Obama a Champion at Notre Dame
• Russ Shaw's Obama at ND: Three Lessons
• Aaron Zelinsky's Echoes of the Bible: Obama's Notre Dame Address
• Joshua Rhett Miller's Some Complaints That Opposition Politicians Scarce at Notre Dame Protests

See, I do read Fox News!

This one goes out to Matty. . .

Matty, I'm sorry for using California taxpayer dollars to rant about education being a human right issue. Really, I am. But I'm wondering that EJ Dionne is right: will this Obama/ND debate will continue to motivate "moderate and liberal Catholics to fight back"? In response to some of Dionne's rhetoric, this is an interesting view of the use of the term "the Vatican" and Pope Pius IX's crown of thorns for Jefferson Davis. What role do we really want the Pope to play in American, or anyone else's, national politics? Consider Senator John Danforth's Faith and Politics: How the "Moral Values" Debate Divides America and How to Move Forward Together and President Jimmy Carter's Our Endangered Values: America's Moral Crisis on these topics.

3/50 Proposition

I loved this 3/50 article from Idealist today -- it talks about the importance of supporting locally-owned retail outlets. More of their funds end up back in the local economy (think of the intercorporate tax loops that President Obama has vowed to close), and we can probably all pick 3 easily. Of course, it still takes some effort to think out budgeting $150 per month at these places but maybe it just means taking a look at where you'd buy your meat or produce differently this month (my Hyde Park Produce Market here in Chicago or Just Good Meats or Stoysich in Omaha) or a new way to exercise with the family with a trip to a local farmer's market.

Cathedrals & Lent

I attended mass at the Cathedral of St Matthew the Apostle in the Archdioce of Washington for the Palm Sunday Vigil tonight. It was a magnicient building, made with all sorts of marbles, shaped in a Latin Cross, and was the fourth Roman Catholic parish established in the District. The Byzantine touches to the decor were a bit over the top for my aesthetic taste but I did love the use of the Greek cross, which always bring me to my personal favorites, Celtic crosses.

Reading the passion today brought me back to that Palm Sunday spent in Spain, when we heard in spoken in Euskeran. That mass twelve years ago, with Saul and Benjamin, brought me a sense of peace as I realized that even though I could not understand a single spoken word, Roman Catholics around the world were celebrating the same reading of the passion. It was a moment of complete peace, a moment of communion with my fellow Roman Catholics.

Which contrasted to my sense during today's mass. Today's homily highlighted the need to focus this last week of Lent on the sacrifce of Christ and the Father, especially the lonely parts of sacrifice. To everything there is a season, and though we will celebrate the rising of Christ next week, first we must focus on what we must we give up and build within ourselves to truly be in communion with each other, Roman Catholic or no.